Τρίτη, 25 Μαρτίου 2014

Nekkid...

During the 4 (and now almost 6) years I have been blogging, I have written about a variety of subjects, some of them serious and others of the "lighter" variety... (I shall let my readers be the judges of which is which...)

Recently a "new" reader of mine (and a rather good looking one as well...) commented on how she likes the way I sometimes "bare" my thoughts, reveal my sensitivities, don't hide behind some silent or cynical mask, some funny or hard shell...

What you see is what you get.

The last few months a piece of song is often playing in my head... "O Gatos" (The cat) by Vasiilis Papakonstantinou.

"oh no my good people, I am no tomcat,
I am only a human full of feelings..."

That's the way it is...I am a human full of feelings.

(to be honest, the song is one that, like so often happens, I had misheard the lyrics-or remembered them wrongly-so instead of feelings I thought it said "errors". It would suit me to go with "feelings" as I would not need to admit to "errors"...haha.. but that is how I thought it went... so let's strike a balance and say I am full of feelings and errors...

(a translator's comment...the above does not "translate" very well, but I hope you "get" it...)

I like to be open about such things. I believe that our feelings and our errors make us what we are. And that, in our journey through life, when we choose to develop relationships, whatever kind they may be, it is always better to be ourselves. Naked, without "makeup", without masks...I have been known to overdo it sometimes...

This is the self we require the others to love. And not some other self, some fake created in order to satisfy vanities and desires, be they our own or the other's...

I am now 45 (now almost 47). A couple of years ago I met an old friend and she rather openly (and in a very German way) told me she always thought of me, saw me as a child. And she still does now...

I didn't know if I should be happy or sad about this. Deep down I was happy, but maybe also a little worried..about when I will finally grow up.

This past summer (2012) I went for a midnight skinny dip on a moonlit night. For the first time after a loooong time... As I plunged into the water again and again, the moon lighting up my bare bottom ostentatiously, I felt really free. Swimming in the dark sea, without fear, diving, at home... ( I would so much like to say "my tight little bottom" but that era is long gone...)

Although I I try to be open and honest, naked, I know that I carry "baggage" from my life up to now. We all do.

Hangups, neuroses, fears, prejudices... buttoned up and hidden behind suits of armour and masks we try to move through life. We try to set up relationships, we need them, be they social, love, or friendship.

How though, when we make it so hard for others to know us?

 "I am looking for friends" said the Little Prince. What does that mean--'tame'?"
"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. It means to establish ties."
"'To establish ties'?"
"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. 

me, when my age was less than the years that have passed since then...

And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . ."
"Please--tame me!" he said.

"I want to, very much," the little prince replied. "But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand."
"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me . . ."  ♥

(Antoine de Saint-Exupéry)

I love. I care. I sometimes choke on feelings of injustice. I sometimes feel helpless to change much. I often get tired of how obsessively people tend to disregard where others are "coming from"...
Every person we meet has walked a path in life which has led him or her to where they are now. We cannot understand them unless we know that path. If we cannot find the way or the time to find out, let us not judge at least... Let's just love them for whatever good they brought to our lives...even if not obvious...

I want to write that we have more to "gain" from standing "naked" opposite others, but I am making a conscious effort to avoid this vocabulary which has invaded all facets of our lives, and reduced everything in life to profit, loss, debt and credit...I am tired of it...we have allowed it too much room...

Standing then "nekkid" opposite others, we allow them to see us for what we are...

Tomorrow's friend, mate or lover, fellow human, fellow "naked" person...

Back in the times I used to pose for gay magazines...(and yes, I 'm joking)

Originally posted in Greek on the 12th of September 2012

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